For the past three to four years I have watched my best friend at work develop an inappropriate relationship with a work colleague in my department. I have watched him find excuses to meet with her in the work place or text her – and quite often this has undermined my role as head of department since both parties have cut me out in order to create an opportunity to speak with each other directly. Many a time, I have found her sitting in the office we share chatting away to him, only to then get up and leave as soon as I return. I know my best friend very well – I can tell when he’s responding to her text simply by the smile on his face and I’ve seen his body language change when he’s close to her – suddenly he tries to crack a joke or tell a story in order to impress her. To some extent, I don’t think my best friend is aware of all these subtle changes in his behaviour; it would be a difficult truth to face given that he’s engaged and she’s a married mother of two.

So what should I do with this information? Quite evidently, I’ve had a long time to work this out. I could call my best friend out on his behaviour and he could: a) outright deny it and try to convince me it’s all in my head; b) admit that there’s truth in what I have seen; or c) we could have a ginormous argument about the whole situation, say hurtful things to each other and permanently damage our working relationship as a result. It is the latter that is not only the most likely outcome but the outcome I fear the most – so much so that although I find his behaviour uncomfortable to watch, I’d rather that, than risk losing my best friend all together. This I know is stupid; I know I can never truly be a best friend to him until I can be completely honest and although I may think I’m keeping it to myself, my feelings about the situation creep out in other ways – I have a tendency of telling him I don’t trust him or that we’re not real best friends without explaining my reasons why.

If I was ever brave enough to call him out, I’d want him to know the following. That with the exception of what I have detailed above, he is the nicest man I know. He is genuinely kind, incredibly caring, reflective in all that he does and funny without having to try. He is a better man than he is behaving right now, and if he was really honest with himself, I believe he’d be disappointed with the type of man he has become. Most importantly, I’d want him to know that I want him to be happy – and happiness, like most things in life, is a choice. So whatever choice he may make, I’d say honour it – commit with all of your heart, give it all of your energy and put in as much of your time. And should that choice not work out, you can walk away without feeling guilt or regret. But here’s the best part, if it does work out, it can last a lifetime.

My best friend at work once described me using the following three words: hardworking, perceptive and principled. I hope that if he is to ever read this, he does so remembering me in this context..