I always think my mum rather brave having left everything she had known to come over to the UK to get married – and not I hasten to add, to the love of her life, but instead to a man she had met for no more than five minutes!! It clearly couldn’t have been easy to leave her entire family behind and then have to adjust to a new one who were by no means welcoming. Having to deal with this alongside a new country with a new language and an entirely different way of living is enough to make me believe she was superwoman!

And here’s me, a generation later, childless and unmarried – when at this very age my mum had accomplished both milestones. So what’s changed from back then to now? Why am I finding it so hard to follow in my mum’s footsteps? My theory is simple. I don’t quite know just who I am yet and what it is that I really want – and unlike my mum, I actually have a choice in deciding these!!

I’ve realised that being exposed to both western and indian values has left me feeling incomplete. I’m not completely indian, and I’m not completely western. I share a mixture of the norms and values offered up by both – yet they are a stark contrast from each other. When I think about marrying an Indian man I can’t help thinking that I’ll never be Indian enough to immerse myself into what I consider to be a suffocating culture. And yet when I consider the potential alternative e.g. an English man, I feel like there’d be a clash of cultures – I’d be far too indian for them!

It’s weird that even though my mum hasn’t had even a near perfect marriage, I sometimes envy her. She has this singular identity of an indian woman and based on that, has fulfilled the duty of a faithful daughter and wife. It has never crossed her mind to do the things that make her happy because that option has never existed for her. A generation later the likes of me is tripping over the amount of options I have at my feet and yet I still feel so empty..